WTF?

So earlier tonight I went to pee in my bathroom, and was greeted by a big ugly hornet. I didn't see it until I had already sat down and let it all go, but let me tell you, as soon as my eye caught that sucker, the pee went straight back in out of sheer terror. For a few seconds I thought "I'll just finish up here and the let Kelvin kill it." Yeah, not so much. I decided to take my business elsewhere.

Then, not ten minutes later, Kelvin was out in the garage smoking a cigar and reading a book, when something caught his eye. He looked up and thought, at first, that a roach was dragging somehting across the garage floor. He turned to look, and saw that it wasn't a roach; it was another hornet. It gets better. The hornet was dragging a tarantula. That's right...I said a hornet was dragging a tarantula. Kelvin came and got me, and I went to see the tarantual (which the hornet finally gave up on). The damn thing was easily 4 inches across. If I had found it, I'd have totally flipped out. We are guessing that the hornet stung the tarantula and killed it, and was trying to go enjoy a feast (or put the damn thing on a stake and offer it up to the buzzing Gods).

What the hell is going on around here? Has my house turned into an episode of wild kingdom or something? I bet I have weird dreams tonight!

Oh, and in unrelated news, Emily had her first dance recital today. It was so adorable! The best part was when Emily decided that she needed to get around one of the curtains (when she wasn't performning) and she just walked onstage and went around it. The audiance was told before the show not to laugh at the cute antics of the kids, because it could hurt thier feelings. We were told "if you feel like laughing, clap instead." I think when Emily waltzed onstage, she got the biggest round of applause of the evening! I took a bunch of pics, which you can see on my FB page (if you have one...otherwise, you're a dork). Here's a pic. I'd upload more, but this one took about 10 minutes to upload, and I really can't be bothered to do more.

Ok, I feel compelled to say something here.

So I haven't spoken up about the nomination of Sotomayor, but I was doing some reading on it today, and I have come to the conclusion that people in Kansas are idiots. Now, I know, you may be confused here. I start out talking about a Supreme Court nominee from New York, and I conclude that Dorothy's home town is full of dimwits, but trust me, there is a connection.

You see, I was reading news articles about her, trying to find out where she stands on certain issues, and I came across this article from the Kansas City Star. Let's start with the headline:

Roberts decides on Sotomayor: He's a "no" vote. Demos blast "blind rush to judgment"

Now, when I read that headline, I immediate thought of Chief Justice Roberts. Because, well, we're talking about a Supreme Court nomination, and "Roberts" is Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. Of course, the first thing that came to my mind was "what the _____ is Roberts doing expressing an opinion on this?" So naturally, I clicked on the link to read the article.

Here's the first relevent part of the article:

Chris Stigall on KCMO-AM asked Roberts this morning whether he feels compelled to support the Supreme Court nominee as a way of avoiding the tag of "bigot." Responded [Senator] Roberts: "I'm a Marine and nothin’ much scares me.
That's not going to be a consideration in my vote."

This afternoon, Kansas Democrats slammed Roberts for making up his mind too quickly."Partisan politics should never hinder the important process of Senate confirmation," said Kansas Democratic Party executive director Kenny Johnston.

Where to start....first, when you're talking about a Supreme Court nomination, don't just say "Roberts," say "Senator Roberts." Of course, there's a distinct possibility that the good people of Kansas don't realize that the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court is John Roberts.

Second, what a stupid f'ing question. You can be opposed to a candidate because you disagree with their political views, because you think they are biased, because you think they don't fully embrace the limited role of the courts, because they're idiots, etc. etc. etc. Just because you are opposed to a candidate, doesn't mean you are a bigot.

Third, what Senator Roberts actually said was:

I voted no in 1998 (when she was up for the Appeals Court). I did not feel that she was appropriate on the Appeals Court. Since that time she has made statements on the role of the Appeals Court that I think is improper and incorrect.

"I think that we should be judging people not on race and gender or background or ethnicity or a very telling story. There are a lot of peope that have that. My goodness, Clarence Thomas had that, and look what he got.

"I think that you should be judging people on their qualifications, whether they will follow the Constitution, and if they do that and they follow the Constitution and they don’t make laws, they simply follow the Constitution and interpret it, I will support them.

Yeah, I can totally see how democrats interpret that as a "blind rush to judgment." How dare this racist pig judge the candidate based on her qualifications and ability to follow the Constitution.

And I thought Louisianians were bad.

It's all in the presentation, people.

So if you didn't already know (because you are clueless), I'm of facebook pretty regularly. One of the things I've noticed on it is the ads for credit reports. The most recent string of them involves some number, usually in the high 600's, made to look really pretty, like this:

My guess is that, if they make your score look good, you won't be so pissed off about it. I used to teach statistics to maintenance techs at AMD, and one of the things I would always teach is that it doesn't matter what data you are presenting, your boss will like it if you use pretty charts and graphs. I guess the credit score people think the same thing.

Obama, UN to tell North Korea "No No" and put them in time out

So, yesterday, Kim Jong-il tested a nuclear weapon. The bomb, which is roughly the size of the bombs the US used by the US in WWII, was successfully detinated underground. Korea further tested two missles yesterday, one being a surface to air missile, and the other, a surface to ship.

President Obama took swift action, rallying the support of the United Nations, and devising a plan to "strongly respond" to the tests. Insiders say the President met with top officials from other military powerhouses such as France, and determined that the best course of action was to immediately reprimand the unruly leader, place him in time-out for "at least five minutes," and provide distractions to divert his attention from his nuclear weapons. Piping in during the talks, Canada's leaders suggested giving Jong-il a hug, and telling him that we still love him, but not his behaviors.

Iraqui leaders expressed outrage at the UN proposal, staing that it "wasn't fair" and noting that they got "way harder punishments" when they were bad a few years ago. Obama, quickly took steps to calm the Iraquis, explaining that the United States still loves Iraq, but sometimes grown ups make boo boos too, and that to make up for it, Iraq will get an extra-big scoop of low-fat, non-dairy soy-ice product after dinner, if Iraq promises to eat all its veggies and help South Korea with its homework.

In the end, everyone held hands and sang kombya until sundown, when they all got in their toyota priuses and drove home at a reasonable speed.

This is my now.

So for those of you who don't watch AI, the title of my blog is actually the winner's song from a few years ago (the year that Jordan Sparks won). It sucks. But even in it's complete suckatude (yes, that's a word, damnit), it was light years better than this year's song, written by Kara DioGuardi (or however the hell you spell her name). This years song actually makes my ears vomit. Not just my stomach...my ears. It's that bad. I cried, and it wasn't tears of joy. I'd tell you the name of it, but thankfully, I don't know it. And even better, I can't remember how it goes. Ahhh the sweet bliss of ignorance.

Other than that, though, this was one of the better AI finales that I have seen. They had Kiss (singing with Adam Lambert). Adam was really amazing with them. They had Santana (with the whole gang...could have done without that...and all of the other group numbers actually). They had Queen with Adam and Kris singing. It rocked. They had Lionel Richie singing with Danny Gokey, and it was pretty good. They had Cyndi Lauper singing with Allison. Allison was WAY better than Cyndi. I love that kid's voice and her style. Kris Alan sang with Kieth Urban, and it was really fantastic. And David Cook sang a song clearly written about his brother who just died from cancer. Seriously, am I the right age to be a Cougar? Because that guy gets me totally w...well, you know.

Anyway, I actually thought it was a good show other than the fact that Kris really was too shocked to be happy in the end, and so the final five minutes was totally a snoozefest. Musically, I like Kris better, but my god, Adam is a showman. It would have been more exciting if he had won.

Summertime. Ugh.

So it's summertime. Ugh. Don't get me wrong, there are lots of fun things to do in the summer. The pool is back in full swing, so I can go frighten young children with the sight of me in a swimsuit. Then there's the lake (where, again, I can permanently scar the minds of young children with the horror of my swimwear...or me in swimwear). It stays light out long, which means more outside play on weekdays.

But my shows end.

So this summer, I thought I'd give the summer lineup a try and see if I could possibly find something to keep me from actually getting off my ass and doing something productive. Unfortunately, I've looked around, and there's just nothing out there. I've read several blogs/articles about the summer lineup, and it all makes me fall asleep. Frankly, I think I'm going to be forced to actually exercise. Oh, God...what has my life come to?

Yummy...not.

So today started off with me fasting. I had a doctor's appointment at 7:30, which I thought was at 9:30. Needless to say, I'm slightly miffed at myself for fasting for nothing. But, I need to lose weight anyway, because I'm going on VACATION! That's right. I am actually going to go someplace for no reason other than to hang out (and watch my friend Diane get married).

So anyway, I am going to try and lose weight before I go. Now, don't get me wrong. I have no crazy fantasy that I can look good by my vacation, or even ok. I am fully aware that it will take far more than a month to get this fat ass looking good. But I at least can attempt to keep from scaring small children. That's my goal.

To that end, I just finished up my breakfast. Slimfast. Ugh. Seriously, why is it that everything good on Earth is bad for you? What kind of cruel f-ing joke is that? My theory is that God is pissed off at most of us, and he can't provide tasty healthy foods to those he's not pissed off at, because the rest of us would figure out a way to cut in on the yummy-food party. So he makes the good people (Tina) suffer, to keep the rest of us from getting a heavenly reward. harumpf.

It's Monday

On a positive note I am actually working from home today like I am supposed to. On a less than positive note...it's Monday.

Huh. That's about all I have to say right now.

A shout out to Bob Marley, et al.

So twenty-eight years ago today, Bob Marley died of cancer. He was 36 years old. Why is it that great musicians always die young? I mean, this isn't some new phenomenon. It's been happening this way since...well since a really long time ago. There was (in no particular order) Motzart, Patsy Cline, Kurt Cobain, Bob Marley, Ritchie Valens, Buddy Holly, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Sid Vicious, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, John Lennon, Duane Allman, Karen Carpenter, Jimi Henxrix, Freddie Mercury, Elvis Presley.

I'm sure there's others that I haven't listed, but you get the idea. Most of these guys died before they were 30. All of them died before 50. Frankly, it makes me glad I'm not famous!

Anyway, I'm giving a big shout out to them all. They were all good, and most of them were great. They would have been great for a long time if they hadn't died young.

Here's a pic of my kids playing this weekend:

Cancer really doesn't seem that bad...

I know I'm not the nicest person ever. I definitely have my faults, but I really REALLY don't think that I deserve the most recent hand that's been dealt me. I guess I should be thankful that I'm not dying of cancer or something, but I just can't muster that kind of optimism.

Here's the deal. Next week I have two hearings. Originally, they were going to be back to back, one in Fort Worth, the other in Dallas. That was no big deal. Each one should only take half a day. I could drive up do both, and be home by Thursday night. Then, last week, the judge in my second hearing decided to move the date. Now I have one hearing on Tuesday, and one on Friday. That totally sucks, but it's still, not the worst thing in the world. It means a lot of driving and whatnot, but it's not the end of the world. I knew I'd be totally exhausted by Friday night, but I'm starting to get used to that with my job.

Then, Kelvin tells me today that he is going to California for all of next week for work. That totally fucking sucks. He says...as if it's no big deal...he will just get his parents to come up and watch the kids. No worries.

Frankly, I'd rather have a lobotomy. It means that this weekend, when I should be relaxing on mother's day, I will instead be trying to clean my house in a completely vain attempt at impressing his parents who will, undoubtedly, be entirely unimpressed. Then, on Wednesday, when I should be trying to relax as much as possible between hearings, I will be entertaining his parents, who will, once again, be unimpressed with anything I do or say.

I even tried to get my dad to come watch the kids. He's retired, and has offered to help out in the past. So I called him and asked. He said that one of my mom's sisters is going to Missouri to visit, and she may want to go up there next week. My mom NEVER wants to go on vacation, so this is a total shock, and there is no way in hell that I want to do anything to keep her from taking vacation, because she doesn't let herself go have fun nearly enough. So, that means no help from my folks this time. Which means, we have to ask Kelvin's folks. And I have to live in in-law hell along with work hell next week.

I don't know, because I've never had a life-threatening illness, but I'm thinking if I can make it through next week, cancer would be a walk in the park.

I just don't get it

So I just finished my timesheet for April. I felt like I worked the entire month nonstop. I thought "there is no way I could sustain this. How do people put in these 80 hour weeks?"

Turns out, I can't answer that, because I didn't. I feel like I worked my ass off, yet on the worst week, I only put in 61 hours (granted, that was during what should have been a 4-day workweek, but still...had it been a full workweek, I wouldn't have ended up reaching even 70 hours total). I averaged just over 10 hours a day for the month. So, if there are people that are really working 80 hours a week, I have to say that they are f'ing crazy. There is no way in heaven, hell or anywhere in between that I could do that.

If you see my boss, don't tell him that I only averaged 10 hours a day. It would ruin the whole martyr thing I have going right now. And boss, if you're reading this, you should just ignore it, or pretend someone else wrote it. You need to focus on how hard I worked, not on some silly ramblings in a random unimportant blog.

Handlebars vs the Goatee...

So a friend of mine is growing a mustache for a good cause. It's the Breast Cancer Resource Center of Texas. Here's his website where you can go to make a donation. And he is posting daily pictures of his new do here. I strongly recommend you donate.

But on a more important note...ok, not really as important, but more immediately pressing for me...he said I can give input on style. Now, I have absolutely no experience with mustaches, so this is not an easy undertaking for me. I personally don't dig the 'stache, cause it is scratchy, and I have sensitive skin. But it's important that I keep my friends looking their best (since I have to live vicariously through my other, more attractive friends), and that means I'm gonna have to come up with some kind of sage wisdom to give my buddy Brian here. If you have any such wisdom, please share.

On a different note I am officially sick of working my ass off and being exhausted all the time, so starting today (just as soon as I finish blogging at work), I am going to try to work smarter and spend a little less time at work, and a little more time at home. I don't know why I picked now to do this...all my tv shows are about to be over for the season, and I really don't have any good new wii or ps3 games to play. I may have to break down and get Rock Band II on the PS3. If any of you have any other suggestions, let me know.

And finally, I just noticed that you can "label" your post. The blogger gives suggestions as to what to label them. The first on the list is "scooters." What the hell would anyone want to write about scooters for? Of course, if I had one that looked like this, I may damn well want to write about it. Hey, now I can label this post scooters and not be lying. I guess I answered my own question.

And now, for the obligatory shot of the kids. Hopefully I haven't posted this one before.



Ooops, I have. Oh well, I don't have any other pics to post right now, so deal with it.