You can't catch hepatitis from a toilet seat, right?

So I spent the day today inside this little tiny room inside the maximum security wing of a maximum security prison in the middle of BFE. It was...well, gross. But before I get to that, let me tell you about the journey.

I had to fly to get to this prison because it's not in Texas. I can't say where it is, but it's nowhere fun, I can tell you that. And within seconds of my coworker and I stepping out of the airport, the tornado sirens started going off. I was not pleased. We then drove for thirty minutes to get to our hotel, where I was treated to winds loud enough to rattle the windows, and a storm that would have made dogs howl. There was one of those monster rolls of cable across the street from the hotel...you know, the kind that are about 1 1/2 times as tall as a person. When I got up this morning and looked out the window, it was in our parking lot. But, hey, whatever...at least I slept.


So we went to the prison this morning at 9:30. They put all of us (2 attorney from each side, plus a court reporter) in one room. One hot, cramped, dirty, tiny, hot, gross room. There were 5 people, a stenograph, a tv, and a dvd player in a room that was roughly 4 feet by 10 feet. The inmate, who was on the other side of a screen, had a room almost as big to himself. That just doesn't seem right to me. The guards, who were all very nice, were good enough to track down chairs for us, but we couldn't fit them all in, so one of the attorneys stood/squatted/sat the whole time. I did not volunteer for that job. We spent five hours in there, with nothing other than a single 15-minute break, during which I decided to use the bathroom. Don't ask me what made me think that would be a good idea. Now, don't get me wrong, I've been to prisons before, but I've never deposed an inmate for 5 hours inside the pod (the cellblock where they house the inmates). I've always been in the warden's office, where things are nice and cool and...well, clean. So, back to the bathroom. To get there, I had to traipse across the pod, which is essentially a big triangle. The inmates, who, by the way, are all ad seg guys (administrative segregation) took the opportunity to say all sorts of repugnant things to me, and to each other, most of which were thankfully indecipherable. Whatever, I've experienced worse...I lived in New Orleans for a year. So I get to the other side of the pod, and they let me out to use the bathroom that is just outside the pod. I assume that it's the bathroom for the guards. I would think it would be...serviceable. Yeah, not so much. It was seriously grotesque. Clearly, most/all of the guards on that pod are men. The toilet seat was up, but I don't know why they bothered. They clearly didn't even make the slightest attempt to aim. It was worse than most gas stations.

So the depo lasted so long that we missed our flight, and we are now sitting in Dallas, waiting on the only flight between Dallas and Austin that we could get, which, if it's on time, won't get us into Austin till 11:05. Then I have to drive 30 minutes to get home. Despite the fact that I won't get home until close to midnight, I may still take a shower before I go to bed. At the very least, I'm burning this pair of underwear, throwing out the shoes, and washing all of my clothes at least twice on the hottest setting.