People are assholes (and p$#@ies)

So over the past week as I have sat in the insufferable traffic, I have come to two realizations: 1) I am going to HATE driving downtown every day (which I will have to do because I agreed to move our offices downtown...great for my partner who lives 10 minutes from the new office, crappy for me, who will now be spending two hours every day in stop and go traffic); and 2) people are assholes.  I don't even want to get started on 1, so let's skip right to 2.

Let's say you're in line at a movie theater.  There are about 20 people in front of you, and about 20 people behind you.  You have been there for 10 minutes, and the line has moved about 2 feet.  Suddenly, some random redneck walks up, steps right in front of you, and pushes you back.  You would be totally outraged, right?  You would probably say something to the jerk, and other people around you very well may too.  Ok, now put everyone in line inside cars and what happens?  Nothing.  The dude cuts you off, you slam on your brakes, causing the 20 cars behind you to have to do the same, and life goes on.  Why is this?  Why is it that something that almost nobody would do in person is ok if the person is safely hidden behind 3000 lbs of steel?  Because people are assholes and pussies.  Yep, I used the p word.  Don't tell my mom.  But seriously, I can't think of any other word to describe these people.  They would never risk the confrontation of cutting you off in person, but since they get to hide behind their BMW (or F250), they think its fine.  In fact, they think they are entitled  to cut in front of you.  They think that, for some reason, you deserve to sit in traffic, and they have every right to create more traffic for you to sit in.  They think that when they are in their car, their shit smells like pretty pink daisies with rainbow butterflies fluttering around them.  And if you don't let them in, they think you are the asshole.  They will even roll down their window and shout at you that you're an asshole.  I actually got in an argument with one of these people the other day because I wouldn't let him in, and he did roll down his window to yell at me.  The amazing thing about it was that he really didn't get why he was a total prick.  But I guarantee you if someone cut in front of him at the movie theater he'd go ballistic on them.  He'd probably start a fight with the person (and frankly, I wouldn't blame him). What amazes me is not that these people are assholes, it's that they are so self-absorbed that they can't even see that they are being assholes.  They honestly believe that they really are entitled to treat other people like dirt just because they are in a moving vehicle.

The people that let them in are assholes too.  I was behind a person today who, no exaggeration, let 5 people cut in front of her in a 1/4 mile span.  Our lane was completely stopped (as it is every day, mostly because of assholes cutting in at the last minute to get on the highway), and she thought there was nothing wrong with stopping every time some sonofabitch felt like cutting in.

But honestly, this type of asshole doesn't surprise me too much.  I've learned that while there are several types of asshole drivers in this world, there is one type that seems to be almost entirely unique to Austin (or are at least far more prevalent in Austin).  This asshole is the richer-than-god stay-at-home wife who just doesn't care.  This person thinks "I'll be nice and let all of these people in.  I'm just going over to the Domain to do a little shopping at Nordstroms anyway.  I'm in no rush. Teeheehee....oh, look I broke a nail.  Darn!  Now I'll have to get a manicure before I call the nanny to tell her to pick the kids up!"  This type of asshole driver can be found in droves on Bee Cave Rd.  They also can always be found driving 10 miles per hour below the speed limit in the left hand lane of Mopac.   They will let anyone cut in front of them...if they notice them. Frequently, they don't notice them, because they are too busy making up songs about themselves while looking at their beautiful reflections in their rear view mirrors.  They know it's ok though, because they are driving their $70,000.00, 400hp Mercedes so slowly that there's no traffic in front of them anyway.  These people aren't going to roll down any windows to yell at you, but they are just as bad as the entitled-bully assholes that cut you off in rush hour traffic.

I think we should start a campaign to get rid of asshole drivers.  I'm not really sure how to go about doing that, but if you have any ideas, I'm all ears.